So I haven't really done any catch-up blogs lately, and I'm sitting here bored out of my mind in class so I figured I'd give a brief recap of the last few weeks at our house.
Christmas Sunday we stayed in Provo so I could conduct the Christmas Program by the choir in sacrament meeting. The choir did a beautiful job and I was really moved by spirit I felt. It was the highlight of my Christmas season up to that point without a doubt. It might have had something to do with the relief I felt with it being over with, though...
We went home to California for Christmas and it was crazy busy like always, but really fun to be with everyone. It was my family's turn for Christmas so we had a ton of people at the house and it was slightly chaotic. My parents were saints to let everyone stay there in their house! There wasn't much downtime, but I needed a break from school so badly that just being away from clients, classes, and the cohort was glorious regardless of what else was filling my time.
We had everyone over for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, and Emma's farewell brunch the following Saturday so there was lots of cooking, cleaning, . It was way fun to see everyone and I was so sad to head back to Provo (and sad that our truck broke down on the way back, of course...).
Once the second semester started, we hit the ground running and haven't stopped since. Dave's working on a huge project at work doing about 50 hours a week, and his classes are tough this semester too because they're advanced statistics and another theoretical class. Our schedule basically goes like this:
6:00am-Dave wake up and head to work
8:00am-Erin wake up and get ready for school/clients
5:00pm-Dave come home from work
5:00-9:00pm or midnight-Dave do homework and continue to work on work project
7:30 or 8:00pm-Erin come home
8:00-10pm-Erin do homework
10:00pm-one of us go to bed
12:00am-the other one of us go to bed.
repeat.
So now we're understanding what people mean when they say they barely ever see each other. We feel like we're living that, but luckily, we both really enjoy what we're doing. We're just a little busy and tired with everything.
This last week we had my old roommate Courtney over for dinner (she just got back from her mission), had Emma and all my family over on the Tuesday night before she left for the MTC, had my cohort over on Thursday night, and had my cousin Corbin over on Sunday for dinner. Our house has never been cleaner!
On top of everything we've been doing, I've managed to finish a second draft of my thesis, Dave's been fishing 3 times in the past 2 weeks, we've cooked at least 3 meals a week (our New Year's Resolution), stayed healthy so far, and managed to keep our heads above water. I'll check in to let you know how we're doing after another week of this crazy life!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
1/18/13: How therapy has affected me thus far...
"Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone."--Augusten Burroughs
This is exactly what comes to mind when I think of my experience of offering therapy so far. I've completed about 35 clinical hours now of my own--almost 60 if you include my observations of others' cases--and it's been a little rough, to say the least.
I never thought I was all that sheltered or caught up in my own little happy bubble--but man, was I sheltered and caught up in my own little happy bubble. As soon as my clients started opening up about their past traumas, severe struggles with self-esteem, unbearable pressure on themselves to perform, and basically all that is wrong with the world we live in today, I went home and told Dave, "I think anyone who goes into this field with even an inkling of what they're getting themselves into must be a masochist." And I meant it. As much as we're supposed to be able to compartmentalize work and home to keep them separate, some stories are just going to stay with you. How can they not? And sometimes it's not even the stories that get to me. It's the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the grief, and sometimes even worse--the apathy. I just hurt for these poor people who's lives have been so traumatizing that they've had to resort to turning off their emotions to be able to function.
Don't get me wrong. I am absolutely loving it. There's something incredibly rewarding about shutting out my own life for about 10 hours a week to solely focus on someone else's pain and really empathize with them and help them heal. (Except, I have yet to feel like I'm actually helping anyone heal..) I find it easier than I thought I would to empathize with my clients and enjoy listening to them and talking with them. My favorite is when one of them says, "I don't know if I've ever thought about it like this before, but..." or "I never realized how much..." or something else that helps me know that at the very least I'm helping them explore parts of themselves that have been ignored their whole lives.
But with the good also comes the bad. Some nights I come home and I just want to curl up in bed under the covers and have Dave hold me because I'm afraid to bring children into a world like this. Some days I can't think of anything else except how desperately I want my clients to realize how strong, competent, and innately good they are. Sometimes when I'm driving home I just have to cry, because I don't know what else to do with the powerful emotions I feel after a particularly painful session. And sometimes I question whether or not I can handle this roller coaster ride for the rest of my life.
I think it's good that right now as I'm just starting out I'm so strongly affected by my clients' struggles. I think if I wasn't there might be something wrong with me. But I'm really hoping that sometime soon I figure out how to take care of myself in a way that will help me stay emotionally healthy and positive about life in spite of all the bad I see.
My supervisor was watching one of my sessions the other day and she told me that I needed to stop skirting around my client's pain. I needed to get them to feel it, be there with them, and just let them stay in it, feeling whatever emotions came. I told her I didn't really want to, because it was just too hard for me to go there. It was too painful. So she gave me this analogy. She asked what the main character did in What Dreams May Come when he found out that the love of his life had been sentenced to Hell while he was in Heaven. He journeyed all the way to Hell to save her and while he was there he experienced the grief and loss she herself experienced before they could be reunited and travel back to Heaven together.
So basically, that's my job. I see people stuck in the torment of their own hell, go down and be there with them there for a while, and then try and pull them out of it.
Now, that makes it sound like I'm super important and without me these people would be stuck forever. That's not my point at all, and that's definitely not true. I just mean to illustrate that I'm beginning to understand what it means to truly empathize with people in their darkest moments and still maintain the positivity that comes with knowing that there's something better out there for them to experience.
As hard as it is on me right now just starting out, I know that this whole process is making me a better person and has the potential to make a difference in the lives of so many people who didn't deserve the bad that life has thrown at them. And I know I'm in the right place because I can just feel it, but I needed to process some of my emotions about my experiences so far through writing today. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Broken in Baker...
So I've decided that if I try to catch the blog up linearly it'll never get done. So I'm going to start with the last 3 days or so, because I don't want to forget the feelings and experiences we've had this weekend. (This is now almost two weeks ago...)
About a week ago Dave and I were trying to decide which day we should drive back to Provo after spending Christmas in California. We knew it had to be Thursday or Friday because there was going to be a storm coming and we wanted to miss it. For some reason I was having a really hard time deciding which day we should leave. I felt like we should leave on Thursday, but I also wanted to stay the extra day with my family and enjoy California for as long as possible. We kept putting off the decision until Wednesday when I felt pretty strongly that we needed to leave on Thursday even though I didn't really know why.
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| So much in the back!! |
We were hauling a bunch of old furniture my parents were giving to the kids up here in Utah in the bed of the truck. It was loaded to its maximum capacity without a doubt (imagine Tetris with couches, chairs, and tables). Since we left on Thursday we weren't worried about the storm hitting us because it wasn't supposed to come to Provo until Friday night, and we were planning on getting to Provo on Thursday night. Since we were so confident in our timetable we decided to leave the furniture mostly uncovered so we wouldn't have to deal with flapping tarps for 10 hours on the road.
About an hour into the drive (Victorville) I heard a funny noise and asked Dave about it. Now, you have to understand that I'm the type of person that freaks out about every little noise I ever hear in a car. Since my mind always jumps to the worst case scenario we tend to just ignore my fears when we're in the car together. But I kept hearing the noise and asked, "Are you sure we shouldn't be worried about that?". Dave assured me that this was just an old car and old cars have "character" in the form of weird noises.
At this point we were at a loss. Either our brakes had seized on us, our transmission had died, or something else we didn't even know about was going on...We got out (in the middle of the road, mind you) and looked at the car. You could see the black skid marks on the road from where the brakes had kicked in of their own accord. We called our car insurance and asked for a tow which wouldn't be there for another hour and a half, unfortunately. We then proceeded to troubleshoot the problem. We called my parents and my grandpa who once was a mechanic in the military. Dave and them all had a fun time trying to find the problem while cars (and SEMI-TRUCKS!!) were squeaking by us on the shoulder since our car wouldn't move forward or backward and we were literally right in the middle of the road. woops.
It turns out Dave had worked on the car a few months ago and removed and then replaced the front right wheel. I don't know much about cars, but I've heard the same words thrown around all weekend so I'll try to do my best to describe what happened. The caliper in the wheel has two bolts that hold it in place and apparently these two bolts were missing on our front right wheel when Dave looked under the car so the caliper had come loose and jammed itself in the wheel well causing our wheel to get stuck and refuse to budge.
At this point Dave had to admit that his workmanship was probably the culprit...a very humbling experience indeed...The bolts had been tightened to spec, but Dave just used the same bolts that he'd removed and the lock-tight which comes on new bolts was missing. (Lock-tight is some sort of glue/thing that makes sure the bolts won't come out?) See the picture to the side. Anyway, without the lock-tight, the bolts will work themselves loose over time (4,000 miles to be exact...) and it seems like that's what happened to us. Luckily, the bolts came out clean and the threads in the holes were still perfectly intact, our rim hadn't been damaged at all minus a scratch (a miracle!), nothing else was damaged in our car, and once we replaced the bolts we would be good to go.
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| This was taken under the car behind the wheel well... |
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| The blue stuff is the lock-tight. |
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| Just to prove I was actually there...and smiling! |
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| Poor Dave. Or should I say "poor Dave's pride". |
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| Look how low the back of the truck is...so scary. |
The mechanic was really great and stayed open pretty late. When he looked at the truck he told us our assessment had been correct and we just needed the two caliper-retaining bolts and we'd be on our way again. We called around to all the shops in the area ("in the area" being a 100 mile radius, of course), but these bolts were specific to a '97 Ford F150 so no one had them except a Ford dealership all the way in Victorville. They were going to close in an hour so there wouldn't be any way to get the parts until the morning.
Aside: At this point it had become crystal clear why I'd felt like we needed to leave on Thursday instead of Friday, and we were grateful we had.
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| Good 'ole Will's Fargo Motel :) |
So we looked around for a hotel (who are we kidding? Motel) and there was just one still in business. The mechanic was really nice and drove us there since it was dark, cold, and we had to bring our big suitcases since we didn't have overnight bags or anything convenient like that. The motel was incredibly creepy and sketchy, but it had a king bed (win!), so it could have been worse. It was relatively clean and had a heater so I was happy. And as a cherry on top, March of the Penguins was on CNN on the TV in the room!
We spent the evening eating dinner at Denny's forever to use up time, trying to get my hot spot to work in the motel so we could check the weather to make sure we'd still beat the storm the following day, calling my parents and convincing them that there was no need for them to drive up and come rescue us, and watching March of the Penguins. It was actually pretty relaxing knowing that there was literally nothing we could do except rest until the next morning.
We called the Ford dealership like 5 times that morning to ask whether or not the parts had been picked up and when they hadn't been picked up by 10:30 (remember it's an hour and a half drive from the dealership to Baker still) we decided we needed to figure something else out. Dave had the thought to ask the dealership if they might directly deliver the parts for us and so we called them yet again to ask, but they said no. Baker was too far for it to be worth their time. We pushed a little and told them we'd pay them for the time and gas if they could get it to us and they said, "Well, I'm not really doing anything around here, so let me ask a manager if it's okay." He came back and told us if we'd pay $20 for the delivery he'd be on the road as soon as we hung up! We were ecstatic!!
We called our mechanic and told him we were having the parts delivered directly and he didn't believe us. He said they had never delivered before so there's no way they'd deliver 2 $10 bolts all the way to Baker. But we had faith in the dealership :) We headed back to our motel for a quick rest before we had to check out and then walked the mile with our suitcases and backpacks in hand down to the mechanic shop. The parts were delivered within about 5 minutes of us getting there and our mechanic's jaw dropped as he uttered a curse word under his breath. He actually didn't believe they were going to come until he saw it himself.
We spent the evening eating dinner at Denny's forever to use up time, trying to get my hot spot to work in the motel so we could check the weather to make sure we'd still beat the storm the following day, calling my parents and convincing them that there was no need for them to drive up and come rescue us, and watching March of the Penguins. It was actually pretty relaxing knowing that there was literally nothing we could do except rest until the next morning.
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Come next morning I was not feeling as relaxed as the night before. I was a little more anxious to get out of Baker and get on the road. I was worried about the storm and didn't want to have to worry about stopping mid-drive to tarp all the furniture because the snow might ruin it. I was also having bad feelings about how early the mechanic had told us we'd get the part that morning. His son was supposed to be coming up from Victorville with it around 11:00am so we would be on the road by 11:15 hopefully.
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| All this happened at Denny's the next morning, mind you... |
We called the Ford dealership like 5 times that morning to ask whether or not the parts had been picked up and when they hadn't been picked up by 10:30 (remember it's an hour and a half drive from the dealership to Baker still) we decided we needed to figure something else out. Dave had the thought to ask the dealership if they might directly deliver the parts for us and so we called them yet again to ask, but they said no. Baker was too far for it to be worth their time. We pushed a little and told them we'd pay them for the time and gas if they could get it to us and they said, "Well, I'm not really doing anything around here, so let me ask a manager if it's okay." He came back and told us if we'd pay $20 for the delivery he'd be on the road as soon as we hung up! We were ecstatic!! |
| Turns out our motel was right across from the famous thermometer, we couldn't see it the night before in the dark. |
We called our mechanic and told him we were having the parts delivered directly and he didn't believe us. He said they had never delivered before so there's no way they'd deliver 2 $10 bolts all the way to Baker. But we had faith in the dealership :) We headed back to our motel for a quick rest before we had to check out and then walked the mile with our suitcases and backpacks in hand down to the mechanic shop. The parts were delivered within about 5 minutes of us getting there and our mechanic's jaw dropped as he uttered a curse word under his breath. He actually didn't believe they were going to come until he saw it himself.
Once we got the part, the job took a total of 5 minutes. That was what we waited all night in Baker for. $20 worth of parts, and 5 minutes of labor. We checked the tire pressure, made sure our straps were secure, and we were on our way! And only and hour and a half later than we were hoping. If we hurried, we'd still beat the storm!
I don't know if I've ever made that drive with so few pit stops. Who knew my bladder was so capable?! We were very go-go-go as we were racing the storm, but we made it in time to get home and unload all the furniture into the garage before we saw any weather. It was an absolute miracle.
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| On the road again, finally!! |
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Throughout the whole experience with our stay in Baker, both Dave and I couldn't help but comment on how certain we were that Heavenly Father had been watching over us.
We were so grateful we'd left a day early so we didn't feel overly stressed about the timing of everything. Looking back at the series of events, it makes no sense how we made it all the way to Zzyzx road if we'd been missing that bolt for 2 miles already. We should have come to a skid in the middle of the freeway and been in a much more dangerous situation.
It doesn't even make sense that both bolts both came out so cleanly leaving the threads in perfect shape in the holes.
Our mechanic told us that we were so lucky the bolt hadn't torn a hole in our rim and we were grateful that we could drive home with just a $20 dollar fix plus labor.
The Ford dealership that would never even deliver from Barstow to Baker was willing to drop everything to deliver our parts to us from Victorville as soon as we asked them to.
Somehow we didn't hit any bad weather during the entire drive up from California to Provo.
Miraculously; none of the furniture was damaged or even scratched during the entire ordeal. We could not believe that after all of that it was all in perfect condition.
Overall, it was yet another testament to me of Heavenly Father's love for us and how much he truly does care about each and every one of our pains and struggles. It's been a year of a lot of physical pain and emotional struggle for me and sometimes it's easy to feel forgotten, but how could I ever deny such an explicit example of his watching over us?
Overall, we were pretty grateful to be home safe and sound after the entire ordeal, but we knew we'd been blessed with a little (a lot of) extra help :)
We were so grateful we'd left a day early so we didn't feel overly stressed about the timing of everything. Looking back at the series of events, it makes no sense how we made it all the way to Zzyzx road if we'd been missing that bolt for 2 miles already. We should have come to a skid in the middle of the freeway and been in a much more dangerous situation.
It doesn't even make sense that both bolts both came out so cleanly leaving the threads in perfect shape in the holes.
Our mechanic told us that we were so lucky the bolt hadn't torn a hole in our rim and we were grateful that we could drive home with just a $20 dollar fix plus labor.
The Ford dealership that would never even deliver from Barstow to Baker was willing to drop everything to deliver our parts to us from Victorville as soon as we asked them to.
Somehow we didn't hit any bad weather during the entire drive up from California to Provo.
Miraculously; none of the furniture was damaged or even scratched during the entire ordeal. We could not believe that after all of that it was all in perfect condition.
Overall, it was yet another testament to me of Heavenly Father's love for us and how much he truly does care about each and every one of our pains and struggles. It's been a year of a lot of physical pain and emotional struggle for me and sometimes it's easy to feel forgotten, but how could I ever deny such an explicit example of his watching over us?
Overall, we were pretty grateful to be home safe and sound after the entire ordeal, but we knew we'd been blessed with a little (a lot of) extra help :)
Friday, December 6, 2013
12/6/13: Thanksgiving Break...
So Thanksgiving break in California...It was a pretty crazy weekend because we had about 14 people over for Thanksgiving dinner which meant a lot of cooking and baking but with only Emma, Corinne, Dave, me and my parents. Usually we have about 6 more helpers when everyone else is home. But it was worth it because we ate so well!!
So the first day we got there was strictly business--dentist appointment, haircut appointment, and all the things I like to do at home. Now, you have to understand that I never do anything to my hair. Like, the craziest thing I've ever done is get highlights, and I only did it because my mom wanted me to try it. I ended up not really liking it and as soon as I could, I tried to get it back to my natural color. So my bangs have been exactly the same since I cut them like 8 years ago to the side. But I was ready for a change, and didn't want to change my length, so I did bangs this time! I love them, and I'm surprised how much it doesn't bug me that they're in my eyes all the time. The things we sacrifice for beauty, right?
Sorry about the selfie <--, but I was the only one around and I HAD to instagram it.
It's tradition for my family to see a movie on Thanksgiving day or go to the beach. Since it was a little bit cold this year (not for me, obviously, since it feels like it's 150 degrees like ALL the time...), we decided on seeing Philomena. It was based on the true story of an English orphan who got pregnant as a teenager and was living with nuns so she was forced to give up her child. Not only did they force her to put up her child for adoption, they made a business out of it by selling the children and convincing this girl that this was her punishment she needed in order to be forgiven for her sin of not being chaste.
It was pretty serious, but I absolutely loved it. Judy Dench was the main character and she did awesome. So funny. I would highly recommend it if you're in the mood for a great movie, if a little bit sad.
After Thanksgiving the week got a little more relaxing visiting friends and watching movies and doing puzzles like the one below :)
So the first day we got there was strictly business--dentist appointment, haircut appointment, and all the things I like to do at home. Now, you have to understand that I never do anything to my hair. Like, the craziest thing I've ever done is get highlights, and I only did it because my mom wanted me to try it. I ended up not really liking it and as soon as I could, I tried to get it back to my natural color. So my bangs have been exactly the same since I cut them like 8 years ago to the side. But I was ready for a change, and didn't want to change my length, so I did bangs this time! I love them, and I'm surprised how much it doesn't bug me that they're in my eyes all the time. The things we sacrifice for beauty, right?
Sorry about the selfie <--, but I was the only one around and I HAD to instagram it.
It's tradition for my family to see a movie on Thanksgiving day or go to the beach. Since it was a little bit cold this year (not for me, obviously, since it feels like it's 150 degrees like ALL the time...), we decided on seeing Philomena. It was based on the true story of an English orphan who got pregnant as a teenager and was living with nuns so she was forced to give up her child. Not only did they force her to put up her child for adoption, they made a business out of it by selling the children and convincing this girl that this was her punishment she needed in order to be forgiven for her sin of not being chaste.
It was pretty serious, but I absolutely loved it. Judy Dench was the main character and she did awesome. So funny. I would highly recommend it if you're in the mood for a great movie, if a little bit sad.
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| Best part of Thanksgiving if we're being honest. Artichoke Dip . Cranberry Salsa. Chips and Guacamole. Vegetables and Dip. The works. |
After the movie we came back and set the table (we were really proud of our hard work on our flower arrangements). Usually Annie does the flowers, but she was missing so all of us did it together. It worked out alright. I guess you can decide for yourselves?
I don't have any pictures of the actual thanksgiving dinner, but it was delicious and we had Steve and Alicia and their kids as well as Grandma and Grandpa Penrod over. We were all exhausted by the end of the night after cooking all day and doing dishes all night, but it was a good time with everyone.
After dinner, the kids wanted to play Just Dance because Steve and Alicia's kids are little dancers! They had a lot of fun and even Dave and my dad got up there and did it. It was an 80's song that inspired them I think. They got pretty into it (see above^^), and it was so funny to watch. Sorry Dave!
The day after Thanksgiving we went to my grandparents' house to help them decorate for Christmas since my grandma's hand is in a cast after a recent surgery. It was so fun to see all her decorations up close and get to ask her about where all of them came from.
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| Decorating the tree was my favorite :) |
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| This isn't a Christmas decoration, but it says "Instead of my Prince, I seem to attract the short, dopey guys." I just thought it was hilarious, haha. |
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| This is one of my grandma's nativities. It's made completely out of rocks that this lady in Idaho collects and polishes and paints. Isn't it awesome?! My mom wants one so so so badly. |
My grandpa has had this saddle in his family room as long as I can remember. I think I have pictures of me on it as a baby. He used to ride horses and he loves this saddle--as do all of his children and grandchildren. Since this was Dave's first time at their house he needed the inaugural saddle picture :)
On the way home from my grandparents' house, we stopped at the Cheesecake factory since we were all pretty hungry, and the cheesecake we got for dessert was fantastic! It was a s'mores cheesecake! What?! Delicious.
Then we had my 22nd birthday since I wouldn't be in California for December 4th. My parents got me a pasta roller for home-made pasta! I had asked for it because I've loved it since my cooking class last year. I haven't had a chance to use it yet, but I hope to ASAP.
Then we headed back early Sunday morning and got home just in time to fall asleep and wake up in time for school in the morning. It was a pretty good Thanksgiving all around :)
12/6/13: Heinz Time...
So my fifth grade teacher used to call the catch-up times in class "Heinz time". Get it? Ketchup time...? ha. ha. Well, I think it's funny. The point is that this blog is going to be all over the place to get caught up. Where to begin...?
We left off with me spending like 5 hours writing my thesis intro and lit. review. It actually wasn't incredibly difficult--just tedious. It took a long time to be make sure all my research has been thorough and my thesis makes sense conceptually within the different theories I'm using. It's pretty amazing to have a draft of my thesis done in my first semester of grad school, so I'm not complaining. It's awesome. Today is the next section--my methods. So after this class (which miraculously I'm attending...) I'll be spending the rest of my day in solitary confinement pumping that thing out since I haven't started and it's due tonight. Yayy...
I have some people asking me about my pain since it's been a while since I updated. The drug-induced menopause HAS HELPED immensely. I went like 2 weeks with no pain meds at all and that's better than I expected!! My pain has gotten SO much better which means it must actually be invisible endometriosis, despite our skepticism. Because it's worked so well, I'm going to be getting my second shot today (the current one is wearing off since it's only a month's worth of medicine) which should last for 3 months. Then I'll get one more 3 month dose and from there we'll either have to get pregnant or the endometriosis will most likely come back. ...We'll cross that bridge when we get to it...
So I started seeing clients!! I was pretty nervous for my very first client, but I feel like there's so much support in this program. While I was waiting for my client to arrive, I was freaking out and there were some second-years in the room with me helping me relax, giving me ideas of what to do in the session, reassuring me, and basically, helping me feel like I can do this. It was so nice :) That first session was a little scattered and I felt like I was anxious and all over the place, but it's gotten better since then. I've been able to keep my sessions slower and more focused and overall, I absolutely love it! I'm glad because I've been really worried about my ability to empathize and I've found that it's coming easier than I thought. I still have times where I just can not understand some of my clients, but that usually means there's just something I need to work through about my own beliefs and expectations of people.
I have a lot of clients (more than most people start out with) because I've asked the clinic to give me as many as possible in case I need to get pregnant for my second year. I want to be as close to done with my thesis and my 500 hours as I can before that happens. I'm sure you can understand why. As bad as menopause is, I imagine pregnancy will be much worse.
So overall, seeing clients has been awesome. I do feel slightly under qualified because I just feel like I have no idea what to do most of the time. But it seems like just being there for the clients and letting them have someone who listens to and cares about them is pretty healing. That's comforting, right?
After starting to see clients, we had Thanksgiving Break! Hallelujah. I was so ready for that. This year is my family's turn for Christmas and the in-law's turn for Thanksgiving, but Dave's family lives on the east coast so we can't afford to fly out there--especially just for a day or two. So we decided to drive down and be with my family since we didn't want to be alone on Thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to split this blog right here because Thanksgiving is a lot, and this is already pretty long.
We left off with me spending like 5 hours writing my thesis intro and lit. review. It actually wasn't incredibly difficult--just tedious. It took a long time to be make sure all my research has been thorough and my thesis makes sense conceptually within the different theories I'm using. It's pretty amazing to have a draft of my thesis done in my first semester of grad school, so I'm not complaining. It's awesome. Today is the next section--my methods. So after this class (which miraculously I'm attending...) I'll be spending the rest of my day in solitary confinement pumping that thing out since I haven't started and it's due tonight. Yayy...
I have some people asking me about my pain since it's been a while since I updated. The drug-induced menopause HAS HELPED immensely. I went like 2 weeks with no pain meds at all and that's better than I expected!! My pain has gotten SO much better which means it must actually be invisible endometriosis, despite our skepticism. Because it's worked so well, I'm going to be getting my second shot today (the current one is wearing off since it's only a month's worth of medicine) which should last for 3 months. Then I'll get one more 3 month dose and from there we'll either have to get pregnant or the endometriosis will most likely come back. ...We'll cross that bridge when we get to it...
So I started seeing clients!! I was pretty nervous for my very first client, but I feel like there's so much support in this program. While I was waiting for my client to arrive, I was freaking out and there were some second-years in the room with me helping me relax, giving me ideas of what to do in the session, reassuring me, and basically, helping me feel like I can do this. It was so nice :) That first session was a little scattered and I felt like I was anxious and all over the place, but it's gotten better since then. I've been able to keep my sessions slower and more focused and overall, I absolutely love it! I'm glad because I've been really worried about my ability to empathize and I've found that it's coming easier than I thought. I still have times where I just can not understand some of my clients, but that usually means there's just something I need to work through about my own beliefs and expectations of people.
I have a lot of clients (more than most people start out with) because I've asked the clinic to give me as many as possible in case I need to get pregnant for my second year. I want to be as close to done with my thesis and my 500 hours as I can before that happens. I'm sure you can understand why. As bad as menopause is, I imagine pregnancy will be much worse.
So overall, seeing clients has been awesome. I do feel slightly under qualified because I just feel like I have no idea what to do most of the time. But it seems like just being there for the clients and letting them have someone who listens to and cares about them is pretty healing. That's comforting, right?
After starting to see clients, we had Thanksgiving Break! Hallelujah. I was so ready for that. This year is my family's turn for Christmas and the in-law's turn for Thanksgiving, but Dave's family lives on the east coast so we can't afford to fly out there--especially just for a day or two. So we decided to drive down and be with my family since we didn't want to be alone on Thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to split this blog right here because Thanksgiving is a lot, and this is already pretty long.
(to be continued....)
Friday, November 22, 2013
11/22/13: Gone Fishin'...
I wish I was gone fishing, that's Dave right now. I'm actually sitting here in isolation in an office on campus attempting to write my first draft of my lit review for my thesis. It's due tonight and I haven't started writing yet...so your regular Friday blogging program will return when said paper is finished. Wish me luck!
Until then, please enjoy this little gem of a philosophy I'm choosing to live by right now in spite of being taught to rise above this temptation during my English undergrad years :) What can I say? Grad school is just a different ball game. Sometimes mediocrity is all we can afford to achieve if we want our sanity to remain in tact!
Friday, November 15, 2013
11/15/13: Menopause isn't all it's cracked up to be...
I don't know what to write about today. It's been a boring week because I haven't been feeling great, but I'm bored in class, so I'm trying to come up with something to say. What I really want to do is just advertise the show Chuck because it is so good. Dave and I have spent wayy too much time staying up too late watching too many episodes because we can't get enough. It's a show that I don't hesitate to recommend (which is rare) because it's clean, clever, has action, romance, mystery, and some talented actors! But even though I'm loving Chuck so much, I feel like my life probably shouldn't revolve around a TV show so I'm going to write about something else.
I got my Lupron shot last Friday after I blogged and it wasn't bad. I actually didn't even feel the shot at all because the needle was so tiny. And I got to babysit my nieces later that night so I didn't really have time for self-pity, which was great! I didn't feel the effects until just a couple of days ago when I started to notice my body's temperature regulation being all wonky. (Wonky? Who uses that word?) I haven't been sleeping too well because I wake up completely drenched in sweat and completely sweltering when it's only like 60 degrees. It's ridiculous. I don't understand why more women don't complain about hot flashes! Every time I get one it feels like my body's punishing me...I've also been slightly irritable (understatement) since the medicine started to kick in.
Fun Example:
The other night I came out to the kitchen looking for my glass of water and I couldn't find it on the counter and I completely freaked. I started accusing Dave, "Where's my glass? I know you put it in the dishwasher! You always put it away before I'm done! I'm so tired of you cleaning up for me!" He was so taken aback he just stammered a "I...I don't remember putting it away babe. I'm sorry if I did, but I don't think I did..." To which I replied "Well, who else did it Dave?! No one else is in this house!!!!"
I then took one step to the left and spotted said glass half full of water on the table hiding behind one of the chairs...woops. I shamefacedly apologized, "I'm sorry I freaked out. I don't know what's wrong, that just made me so so so mad." That was when I realized the medicine had kicked in. I was totally crazy! Poor Dave. But at least we're aware of it now, so I'm pretty good at checking what I'm thinking before I let the word vomit fall out, haha.
Aside: My professor just said, "Holy Samolies!" Um...what?
No pain relief so far from the medicine, but I see my first client today and another one on Monday so I'm kind of distracted! I'm so excited and anxious! I'll let you know how it goes, maybe. We'll see :)
Also, you all should come to my UVMCO concert on Tuesday, December 3rd at 7:00 I think. It's going to be phenomenal. It's sounding so great!! I feel so lucky to be a part of this choir because I've learned so much, and it's been amazing to be part of such a high quality choir. The Christmas music is absolutely beautiful and inspiring. It's a little pricey, but worth every penny! Link to tickets here :)
Also, our choir performed this past Sunday and it was so gorgeous! We had Maddy play the harp and Emma play the viola for us to "My Shepherd Will Supply My Need". The spirit was so strong and I was so impressed with how musical the choir sounded and how well we did with all the different parts. The choir is starting to come together and blend well and come into their own new sound. I'm totally loving it. Choir has been such a blessing for me this semester. I look forward to it every week and I love conducting such a fun, hard-working group :) Hopefully we can keep it up for Thanksgiving and Christmas!
Class is over, the end!
I got my Lupron shot last Friday after I blogged and it wasn't bad. I actually didn't even feel the shot at all because the needle was so tiny. And I got to babysit my nieces later that night so I didn't really have time for self-pity, which was great! I didn't feel the effects until just a couple of days ago when I started to notice my body's temperature regulation being all wonky. (Wonky? Who uses that word?) I haven't been sleeping too well because I wake up completely drenched in sweat and completely sweltering when it's only like 60 degrees. It's ridiculous. I don't understand why more women don't complain about hot flashes! Every time I get one it feels like my body's punishing me...I've also been slightly irritable (understatement) since the medicine started to kick in.
Fun Example:
The other night I came out to the kitchen looking for my glass of water and I couldn't find it on the counter and I completely freaked. I started accusing Dave, "Where's my glass? I know you put it in the dishwasher! You always put it away before I'm done! I'm so tired of you cleaning up for me!" He was so taken aback he just stammered a "I...I don't remember putting it away babe. I'm sorry if I did, but I don't think I did..." To which I replied "Well, who else did it Dave?! No one else is in this house!!!!"
I then took one step to the left and spotted said glass half full of water on the table hiding behind one of the chairs...woops. I shamefacedly apologized, "I'm sorry I freaked out. I don't know what's wrong, that just made me so so so mad." That was when I realized the medicine had kicked in. I was totally crazy! Poor Dave. But at least we're aware of it now, so I'm pretty good at checking what I'm thinking before I let the word vomit fall out, haha.
Aside: My professor just said, "Holy Samolies!" Um...what?
No pain relief so far from the medicine, but I see my first client today and another one on Monday so I'm kind of distracted! I'm so excited and anxious! I'll let you know how it goes, maybe. We'll see :)
Also, you all should come to my UVMCO concert on Tuesday, December 3rd at 7:00 I think. It's going to be phenomenal. It's sounding so great!! I feel so lucky to be a part of this choir because I've learned so much, and it's been amazing to be part of such a high quality choir. The Christmas music is absolutely beautiful and inspiring. It's a little pricey, but worth every penny! Link to tickets here :)
Also, our choir performed this past Sunday and it was so gorgeous! We had Maddy play the harp and Emma play the viola for us to "My Shepherd Will Supply My Need". The spirit was so strong and I was so impressed with how musical the choir sounded and how well we did with all the different parts. The choir is starting to come together and blend well and come into their own new sound. I'm totally loving it. Choir has been such a blessing for me this semester. I look forward to it every week and I love conducting such a fun, hard-working group :) Hopefully we can keep it up for Thanksgiving and Christmas!
Class is over, the end!
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