9/27/13: Oh hey, Winter...its okay, nobody likes Fall anyway...

Well, it seems that I've found the class I'm going to use to blog during every week--Research and Methods!  I just took the undergraduate version of this class 2 months ago and it seriously feels like I'm taking the exact same class again.  Same lectures, same expectations, and nothing much more complicated yet.

So, lucky for you, you'll get a blog every week probably this semester :)  Not-so-luckily for you, though, I don't have anything exciting to talk about (like I ever do...), but I'm bored so I'm going to write anyway.

This week in our lives a lot of things happened:

- This isn't really exclusive to our lives, but Provo has decided it's time to be winter.  It's literally about 40-50 degrees and cloudy/rainy every day and I'm loving it :)  (Of course, I have a garage to park in...)

- Emma got her mission call to Nashville, Tennessee, English Speaking, leaving January 15th!!  I have a very love/hate relationship with missions, so I'm extremely sad to see her go, but she's going to be an amazing missionary, I know it.

- We had everyone over for a back to school breakfast on Saturday morning.  It was great, and we are getting better at delegating so we don't get stuck paying for and cooking everything on our own.  Derrick and Rachel, Jim and Christi, Jeremy and Sierra, Annie and Russ, Emma, and Scott (Dave's brother) were all able to make with which was nothing short of a miracle.  It was nice to catch up and have a relaxing breakfast with everyone.

- We watched the BYU Utah game that night with Annie and Russ and we were pretty upset at how terrible it was.  Mostly because we stayed up so late for it and it ended up not being worth it.

- Choir started at a new time this week!  I just got called as the choir director for our ward and released as music chair (Is it bad that I'm happy about this?) and I decided to change the time from 4:15-5:15 pm to 9:00-10:00 am.  I know neither of these times are stellar, but I think 9:00 is more doable for the families with kids in our ward (i.e. EVERYONE).  So I made a bunch of calls the night before begging people to come, and so many people showed up!  We had like 25, which is about 5x as many people as normal.  Hopefully I didn't scare them away and they'll keep coming back.

Side note:  I just absolutely love conducting choirs.  It's exhilarating and feels transcendent for me sometimes.  Even though we're no Motab, something about hearing a choir who's really polished and beautiful express their testimony by believing the words they're singing really inspires me.  I love it!!

-We had Bailey and Travis over for dinner on Sunday evening.  Travis and I were best friends freshmen year, and Bailey waited for him on his mission so we've stayed in touch over the years as well.  It was nice to catch up with them, and I think I inspired Bailey to start applying for the MFT program.  (She's a Psych undergrad) It'd be so awesome if she got in and we could be in the program together next year!

-Wow..all that was just the weekend...

-During the week, I went to the doctor because I'm still in pain and he asked me to come in to kind of reevaluate things.  He did an ultrasound and we were finally able to very specifically figure out why I'm still in pain.  It turns out that it's my ovary.  It's not the muscles or tissues around it, it's not adhesions or scar tissue.  I just have a painful ovary.  The pain is continuous and spontaneous which is frustrating, but that happens with endometriosis sometimes.  We didn't see any endo on my ovary during the surgery, which we were happy about because of fertility, but it certainly seems like there is some microscopic endo on my left ovary right now causing me pain.  I'm already taking the right hormone meds that should shrink the existing endo so we just need to give it some more time to see if it will help in the next month or so.

I was just happy that when he touched my ovary he could reproduce my exact chronic pain.  No one's been able to figure out what exactly is causing it before now.  Now that we feel more confident about what we are specifically treating, both my doctor and I are more comfortable with pain management medicines in the meantime.  He gave me a new, slightly less effective (and therefore, less addicting) drug than hydrocodone to use when I need it.  (Tylenol and Ibuprofen don't help at all)  I used it this week, and the next day I was completely pain free!

This felt like a complete miracle because it's been so long that I haven't felt any pain at all...I had so much more energy and I was happier and completely able to be productive all day long with no nap!  I just use that medicine as needed right now, but I'm going to ask my doctor if maybe it would be a more effective way to treat the pain continuously since it was so effective after just one pill.  Wish me luck!

The pain's back today, so I'm pretty sad about that, but I know this is how it goes; Good days and bad days--I'm just grateful I'm starting to have some good ones :).

- I don't want people to think that I define myself by the pain, because I'm trying really hard not to.  I don't want to live as a sick person for the rest of my life.  But it is my reality right now, and I can't really change that.  I'm at the doctor's office almost weekly because I haven't given up trying to figure this all out and I'm really reallyyy hoping to be healthy by the time I start seeing clients (in a month or so).  For right now, we're hopeful about having a good day this week.  Hopefully it was a taste of good things to come.  We're definitely praying for it!

- Let's talk about Dave for once, yeah?  He is really really loving his internship.  He's getting paid, which is always nice, but mostly he just loves the research he's doing, and he really feels like this is what he wants to do with his life.  It's all about how to help online classes be as effective for students as personal tutoring is.  He's also made tons of time to get out and go fishing this week.  And today he's going fishing with my Dad for the second half of the day after work.  I think they're crazy because it's 48 degrees and rainy!!  But fishermen are a special kind of people, I guess.

In other news, on top of thinking I have diabetes, my cohort probably thinks Dave abuses me now because I showed up to class on Tuesday with a huge blue and purple gash on the side of my cheek by my eye.  It looks like a bruise, but it's just a bad burn from my curling iron.  Hopefully it heals soon because it's really hurting and I don't want a scar on my face!

Please excuse the selfie, and keep in mind
this is covered with makeup.

Also...I eat chocolate chip Eggo waffles and In-N-Out like nobody's business all of a sudden.  And I'm not even sorry about it.




So that was our week over here.  Nothing too exciting, but school is going great for both of us, and after a few major minor freak-outs about whether or not I'm cut out to be a therapist, I am more excited than ever to see clients and start practicing the skills we're learning in school.  And tomorrow my sister receives her endowments and I can't wait to be there with her for such a special experience :)

Happy days here at the Rackham household!

Missions...

We have a love hate relationship.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in following the prophet and all that jazz...haha I'm just kidding, that sounds sacrilegious . I do fully believe in listening to and acting on the counsel of the prophet because I have faith that it comes straight from the Lord. It's just that I feel like I have no problem theoretically supporting something, and then I am shocked to find out how difficult, but rewarding something is when it's actually put into practice. Missions have been on my mind a lot lately for some reason...who am I kidding? It's not a random thing...it's been on my mind for over half a year now.

It's just strange because I had no problem being happy for and supporting my older brother when he left for the Philippines for 2 years. Sure, I had my times when I missed him, but it was a quick fix to think "He's doing what the Lord wants him to do, and he's helping the Filipinos come to Christ." There was almost a sense of pride and happiness when I would tell my friends in high school about my brother who was serving for two years in a foreign country to share the gospel.

I feel like missions are just like any other commandment or calling in the church. You never really understand how difficult it can be until you are personally affected by it. I understand that missions are the most difficult and rewarding experience for the boys who are actually out in the field. But I think the friends and family left at home sometimes have as difficult a time of it as they do.

Having some of my best friends leave last year to go serve for two years was and still is one of the hardest experiences I've ever had. Sure, it goes up and down. Some days it's like they aren't even gone, but other days it feels like the only thing I want to do is study all day in the library with them and then go eat dinner together and hang out for the rest of the night like we used to.

I don't know why it's been so tough. It's not like I haven't experienced separation from my best friends before (i.e. Freshman year of college) but I think the fact that our only communication is in the form of written letters has something to do with it. I guess it makes sense why the church mandates that stipulation, but still...it's a challenge for the people left at home worrying and missing their missionaries.

On the other hand, I feel like I have grown so much as a person these last 7 months without my best friends here to be with me every step of the way. I have had extra time to discover new talents and interests that I have. For example, I never knew I liked to bake, but I guess I do! Having people who are dedicating their entire lives to the Lord right now is also a very inspiring experience. I feel like I want to be the best person I can possibly be so I can tell them about what I learn about the gospel and how I am growing to be better everyday. Not only do I work harder because I know that they are working super hard out there, but I think about how excited I am to show them my life here I've made for myself in Provo while they've been away.

So see? It's a love hate relationship. I really hate that my best friends are ridiculously far away from me and practically in communicado, but I love that their examples inspire me to be better every day! It's so confusing...but day by day, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't think I'll ever really get to a point where I am completely okay with them being gone, and that's okay. I just need to live my life as best I can and look forward to when they'll be back with me again :)